I remember telling a friend once (well actually a few on several different occassions) that I need to learn how to be "the mean girl". I finally see that it isn't so much the act of "being mean" and disregarding everyone else around me that I needed to work on, but realising that the arrogance that emits from these types of girls is what sets them apart from everyone else. Arrogance isn't necessarily a bad thing. Of course, too much of anything is bad. Knowing when to be arrogant and about what is what separates a fool from a genius. We are taught at an early age that girls should be nurturing, sweet, demure and complacent. I've tried to live my life with a pseudo-Buddist approach. Then I meet women with very dominant personalties. They know what they want and will accept and refuse anything different. Because of this, we automatically label these types of women as "mean", "stubborn," and "bossy" (I'm using nice girl adjectvies here). I see now that those women are winning in life.
They ain't got no time for that!
The last 46 days I've realiszd a few things about myself. I see that wasting time and energy on how people perceive me is futile. Unless they are paying my rent or providing me emotional, intellectual or physical care, whether they think I'm nice, evil, hardworking, lazy, fat, flaky, or Aphrodite in the flesh will not change my current situation. Truly successful people don't waste time caring about the haters or fans. They just keep on doing what they need to do to bridge the struggle gap.
Besides, haters and fans equate to publicity. Although I'm not a celebrity by any means (except for in my own head maybe), this "publicity" is some perverse way of networking. I mean, think about it. Someone asks, "Oh, you know Kisha?" The response is, "Oh that short girl who is always disappearing from Brno? Yep, she's nice...a little weird...always leaving...always dreaming...whatever." When I was a little girl, my dad told me that everyone has an opinion, you can't really change what they think. Dad was right. So, instead of freaking out that this person things x way about me and that person said x about me, I recognize that now that it's a way of keeping me relevant within one's networking circle.
They know their value.
Some people cannot take a compliment. When someone tells me something nice, I smile painfully and say thank you. For many people, hearing anything about themselves puts them in an uncomfortable place. For "mean girls", this is not a problem. They nod and confidently respond. For them, this person has just affirmed what they have known forever--that they are spectacular and this should be common knowledge. They know their self worth and value and anyone who questions this is quickly corrected.
The other day I had my "aha" moment. I'd been corresponding with a prospective employer regarding my rates for a few articles that I'd been requested to write. I was asked to lower my fees by 80%, produce six articles in an unreasonable time frame, and condense the information to appease the audience's attention span. Basically, I was told that my contemporaries in another region of the world were turning around mass quantities of "literature" at an alarmingly quick speed and that I should conform and produce work of "equal value". These types of articles are crowd-pleasers and circulate various social media platforms faster than a California wildfire in June.
There was a time when I would have bowed down and started churning away at my laptop, thinking that a job is a job. I'd spent so many years trying to please employers, friends, family, everyone around me. "Mean girls" make sure that their happiness is priority and their needs are met before adapting to anyone else's requests. Given my education, experience, intellectual integrity, and self respect, I knew that I could no longer be the nice girl. I'd finally realized MY value. Granted, it took a grammatically incorrect quasi-rejection letter from an editor for me to quantify my worth. I had acknowledged the fact that I'm a clever girl with more to lose than to gain by accepting what was being offered to me. I took a second, stepped away from my laptop, and then decided to reply to what was on my screen. That day I also learned the art of telling someone to sod off without being disrespectful or vulgar.
It should also be noted that "mean girls" will never down play or depreciate their work or worth. Ever.
They are resilient princess warriors.
Everyone has misfortunes in their lives. The difference between a "mean girl" and everyone else is how you react to those experiences. Instead of dwelling on the fact that they have gone through some hardships, mean girls cut their losses, bury the casualties, and move on to plan B (and look glamorous while doing so). As stated before, they just don't have time or energy to waste on lamenting over things that they have no control over. They are adaptable. If a "mean girl" finds herself with $200- in her pocket until payday, she'll find a way to make the best Chinese dinners for the next thirty days with Ramen noodles. You will never see this girl crying in a corner about a guy or a job (at least not openly).
So, I wear my invisible armor and take a head count of those adversaries that stand in my way. Everyone serves a purpose in your life. Knowing when someone's shelf life has expired is essential. Holding on to dead weight or being unable to tell a friend from a frienemy will keep you from rising to the top while everything else around you is burning.
I've had to learn a few lessons the hard way. In true "mean girl" fashion, |I've only had to be taught once.
They have goals.
Some people are ok with reaching a certain level in life and staying there. Others are ok with settling into a role that has been determined for them or that they think is expected of them. Mean girls want to transcend to the next level. Mediocrity is not in their vocabulary. They fight for pay raises. They compartmentalize to balance their social life because they are constantly seeking self improvement. They key, mean girls have found, is to surround yourself with like minded people. Mean girls have a competitive streak. A little friendly competition never killed any one. I have made goals for myself.
I've aligned myself with the most creative and intellectual people spanning two continents. Doing so has pushed me to follow through with various projects, hold myself accountable with personal objectives, be more aware of my health, and continue to prosper in every aspect of my life.
So, when I think about it, the next time someone tells me that I'm "mean", I'll just nod and confidently say "Thanks!" before I walk away.
